the angels danced...

the day you were born...

11-16-08- best day ever.

"giving birth is a beginning...of something incredible. something new. something unpredictable. something true. something worth loving. something worth missing. something that will change your life... forever."

wish list.

"We all get at least one good wish a year. Over the candles on our birthday. Some of us throw in more. On eyelashes, fountains, lucky stars, and every now and then, one of those wishes comes true. So what then? Is it as good as we hoped? Do we bask in the warm glow of our happiness? or, do we just notice we've got a long list of other wishes waiting to be wished?"

I am a big "wisher!" For instance, I wish everyday at 11:11 a.m. and p.m., why?!? because that's simply how I am. Mostly I consider it hope more than wishing, keeping hope that there is that possibility of (insert wish here) coming true. so...my birthday is coming up here soon and I have a bit of a wish list, not just because of my birthday but because, well- don't we all have wishes?!?! Some of them might be a bit unrealistic, but that's what wishes are sometimes, right?!? so here goes, here's my list...-A Mother's Ring-

-Grey's Anatomy on DVD-

-Diamond Hoop Earrings-

-A Pedicure-

-Canon Mark III-

-Wide Angle Lens-

Of course we all have wishes that aren't materialistic, here are a few of mine:

-See the World-

(ok maybe that's a little materialistic)

-a healthy kid (always)-

-my kid to succeed-

-to succeed at life-

-to be a SUPER mom-

-to be a GREAT wife-

-to love endlessly-

-to make a difference in someones life, if only one-

-to make loads of memories-

-to always remember-

-to challenge myself daily-

-to lose some more weight-

The list of course goes on and on and on- but we don't have all day...so I will end it with one more wish- "MORE TIME!"

footprints of my heart.

a sick day(s).

my baby has been and IS sick, UGGHHERS!
The stomach bug has manifested in the Hull house.
This is really the first time he has been sick since he was born and for that I am truly grateful, but if I could have it my way he would NEVER, ever get sick. It breaks my heart. He is so FULL of life, joy, excitement and happiness, its as if something or someone has replaced my child...and I WANT MY BABY BACK and BETTER!
I have spent the past couple of days praying that I could take on his sickness and he could resume being the Logan that we all know and LOVE. Well, I have felt sick...but it has plagued my heart. Not only does a child being sick take a toll on a parent physically, it wears on you emotionally too. Along with all the heart-aching...I have done loads and loads and LOADS of laundry, cleaned, tried to keep everything disinfected, took care of a pitiful little soul and on top of all that the three in the morning bedtime is taking its toll on the Hull household...I, WE are WORN out. Prayers are welcomed and greatly appreciated...

Today he attempted to play, and in between all the breaks he took to lay his head in my lap and watch some t.v., I snapped some pics of my little darling.


Get better, baby...Momma-Daddy want to play! We love you kiddo! hugs and kisses...

the history of.

Some people believe that without history, our lives amount to nothing. At some point we all have to choose: do we fall back on what we know, or do we step forward to something new? It's hard to not be haunted by our past. Our history is what shapes us...what guides us. Our history resurfaces time after time after time. So we have to remember sometimes the most important history is the history we are making today.

"History is who we are and why we are the way we are."

understanding.

"Run your fingers through my soul. For once, just once, feel exactly what I feel, believe what I believe, perceive as I perceive, look, experience, examine; and for once, just once, understand."

a slideshow of happy-ness

To smile so BIG, that it covers your entire face...

that my friends,

is TRUE HAPPY-NESS!

"This part of my life...this part right here...is called happy-ness"

A good laugh the kind that just bursts out. You know, the kind that comes from who-knows-where. When it happens, thats the best!

Crystal heard a what?!?!

"Is everything ok down there?!? Uh, I don't know, you tell me, you're the one holding the speck."- Horton hears a who.

Me of course being the speck!
Often I wonder- how do I know when God is speaking to me?!?! I pray for everything and it seems as though I never hear ANYTHING. God is so big and we are so tiny in comparison, so how does he hear us? We are all fighting for his ear, all of our prayers are rushing in at the same time, fighting for the FIRST SPOT IN LINE, how does he not answer my request with some others answer?!? When you sit back and think about how truly amazing it is that he takes such care in the answer he gives to each and every one of his people, it is quiet humbling. Who am I to be answered first, what have I done to even deserve what has been given to me?!? I am beyond honored. Three tasks at once gets overwhelming, juggling all that there is to do in a day and people calling on you while in the midst of it all, can make a person...(ME) go insane.
Have I said how thankful I am that I don't serve another me?!?!

Every prayer that has ever been lifted from my lips to God's ear has been answered... Maybe not in the shake and bake time I expected, but just when it was the absolute perfect time. I depend on him and he is there. At times I feel like a little child pitching a temper tantrum because after all, isn't it MY TURN NOW?!?! I recently read a blog entry from one of my friends and she was discussing the time that God gives us versus the time we give him...I am always asking, asking AND receiving, depending on God when there is nothing else, crying out to him- and he NEVER FAILS ME, he is always there to comfort me and give me hope when I just KNOW that my world is coming to an end. Which got me to thinking... What do I bring to our relationship?!? hmmm, well lets see- that would be a big fat NOTHING. As I was reading this entry- I heard the biggest horn go off in my heart, well, maybe not a horn- but it was the only thing I could think of that is loud and it was LOUD. I don't treat any other relationship in my life like I do the one between myself and God, I KNOW that I have to give to others that I am in a relationship with. I am so comfortable in the fact that God will always be there for me, that I lose track of the "ok, now its your turn to do something" part of our relationship- because I know that he doesn't expect it from me. I don't want to take advantage of the greatness that is He. My heart is so thankful that he is gracious to love me, to turn the other cheek so many times, that he never thinks less of me and loves me only more...

Now, that I have heard...I must do. Easy as it sounds, I am selfish but I am also determined.

Walk before you run.

Learning to walk in the Hull household has been quiet an adventure, to say the least. I have a 15 month old who wants to run before mastering the art of walking. His thought process goes a little something like this, "now what is the QUICKEST way that I can get to where I'm going?!?" For a while that was drop down and crawl- now its run really fast until we fall and then get up and do it again. We are still working on perfecting it- but I must say how truly exciting it is, this milestone in his life. It has really taught me alot just about myself. At times I would get so frustrated because I was unsure as to what I was doing wrong as a Mom, why was he just not getting it. I was doing everything I could, encouraging him, throwing a party every time he succeeded and STILL NOTHING?!?! Logan has always been one to just do things in his own time, in his own way- kinda reminds me of someone else I know very well (shhh...me). I am always wanting to rush things into being, he has taught me a lot of patience and I WANT to be patient, because I don't want the time to fly like it has been doing as of late. This process of teaching and learning to walk has taught me- determination...Falling down hurts, it discourages you- but my little booger always gets back up and does it again, knowing that he is going to fall- but he has hope that he will stand, he has determination in his eyes that this time I will get it right, this is the time. After time and time again of falling, he is finally a two legged explorer. How exciting...Now, don't get me wrong, we still have a little "WORLD CHAMPION CRAWLER" (yes he won that title) on our hands, he will storm through the house growling and shaking his head NO, NO, NO...what a little comedian we have on our hands. It CRACKS me and his daddy up! As exciting as it is to have this new little person, he looks so TALL now, and everything around him so small. When he stands to play with his Handy Manny tool station he is at a different marker- and that in itself is, heart wrenching. How is it that we learn so much from someone so small?!? Someone with less experience as ourselves?!?! Who teaches us more about ourselves than we ever knew, just when we thought we knew it all too?!?!

"It is impossible to walk rapidly and be unhappy"- Mother Teresa

The many faces of My Boy.

The face of true happiness.

The face of hopes and dreams.

The face that knows no wrong.

The face that doesn't judge.

The face of a Prince.

The face of happily ever after.

The face of a boy being totally amazed by the wind catching his breath.

The face of amazement by stepping outside.

The face of my future.

The face I longed to see.

The face of excitement when he hears a bird sing.

The face of a boy laughing as he watches his doggy run circles around him and feeding him scraps.

The face of a boy who thinks that falling down is funny and that leaves taste yummy.

The face of a boy who giggles at the passing of a car.

The face of a boy who loves his daddies beat up truck

and the kisses his momma gives his hurts.

The face of a boy who could spend hours in the bath.

The face of a boy who crawls in my lap...just to give me love.

The face of a boy that loves to sing.

The face of a boy that means everything.

The face of a boy a girl will long to meet.

The face of a boy who's kisses are the highlight of everyday.

The face of a boy who wakes up with a smile on his face.

The face of the boy who makes everything ok.

The face of a boy who understands what I don't want to say.

The face of a boy who defines perfection.

The face of a boy who leaves me breathless.

The face of a boy that I could stare at all day.

The face of a boy...my boy.

I am...I am

...

I am a mom

I am a wife

I am a daughter

I am a sister

I am a granddaughter

I am a friend

I am a romantic

I am kind

I am high tempered

I am happy

I am blessed

I am my sons first love

I am my husbands passion

I am overly sentimental

I am a little girl trapped in a big girl body

I am a photographer

I am a writer

I am a dreamer

I am a realist

I am hopeful

I put everything into the people who matter

I apologize before I do something

I am passionate about life

I am a learner- I love to learn

I am quiet when I first meet people and sometimes that's mistaken

I want nothing more out of life than happiness and fulfillment

I have been been the breaker and the broken

I have loved and been loved

I believe that being true to myself is very important

I trust a few

I trust myself

I know its not ok to settle and it's ok to walk away.

I am secure, very secure.

...

I believe anything is possible

I expect too much because I expect it from myself

I have learned a lot by keeping my mouth shut, rather than opening it.

I am hopelessly hopeful.

I over think things a lot

I follow my heart

I wish at 11:11 everyday.

I have an incredibly awesome family

...

I love to laugh- it heals.

I love movies

I love T.V.

I love writing- maybe I will write a book one day, or three.

I love music

I love quotes

I love photography, every moment is a moment for me to capture.

I love holidays

I love any excuse to give gifts

I love gummies

I love candy

I love traveling

I love the beach

I love snuggling on rainy days.

I love Charleston

I love my husband

I love my kid

I love my family.

...

I treasure moments

Adventure makes me giggle

I keep my heart open

I try to not take advantage of anyone or anything

I love morning cartoons snuggled in bed with my kid.

Everyday is an opportunity for me to be a better...you name it

I often don't understand people

I don't understand why bad overshadows the good

I am so thankful for a God who is bigger than...

I always try with, BIG EYES, to see the good in everything

I am a pessimist...once I am driven to a certain point

I contradict myself

I will forgive but I never forget

I hate jealousy and bitterness, they both eat at your heart.

...

I am who I am...and that's all I know how to be.

...

"To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing it's best night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting."- E.E. Cummings

"It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are." -E.E. Cummings

"Always be a first rate version of yourself, instead of a second rate version of somebody else."- Judy Garland

"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be a victim. Accept no ones definition of your life; define yourself."- Harvey Fierstein

"Learn to...be what you are, and learn to resign with a good grace all that you are not."

hopelessly hopeful.

Definition of "Hope": (v., hoped, hopes.) Hope is a belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one's life. Hope is the feeling that what is wanted can be had or the events will turn out for the best.

There is always hope.

...just Breathe

"At the end of the day, there are some things that you just can't help but talk about. Some things we just don't want to hear, and some things we say because we cant be silent any longer. Some things are more than what you say, they are what you do. Some things you say because you have no other choice. Some things you keep to yourself. And not too often, but every now and then, some things simply speak for themselves."

Trials...the word alone makes me shiver and breathe an exasperated breath.

Trials...I have heard are placed on our path to make us stronger, they help shape us into the person that we are destined to become-may I just say- give me a break?!?! Why is it that the harder the mission the greater the outcome, in EVERY situation. (I don't think I REALLY mean that.) But being honest, I think most of the time any of us would be just fine living in a fluffy, sugar coated world. To not be faced with circumstances that cause a war within us. There is nothing worse than going back and forth, back and forth- decision after decision, whats the right thing to do, what am I SUPPOSED to do, how should I handle this. Mostly, I think that its the way we handle our trials that molds us. There are always two options, sometimes more, but its the choice that we make that dictates who we are as a person.

I have been in the midst of a "trial" here lately and it has come as a shock to me, I'm not sure why- I guess a lot of times I just expect more because I know that I would not do whats been done to me. Being publicly slandered. Slander in itself is such an ugly word, a word I don't believe I have ever had to use before now. My character, who I am as a person, who I am as a wife, mom and friend have been spoke of in a manner that at one point broke my heart. Not because I am insecure in who I am, I know exactly who I am and who I want to be and it feels so good to be in that place. It hurt me because I am not the person that I have been made out to be. I know that actions speak louder than words, so I know that I don't have to speak the words to prove who I am, because my characteristics and actions prove that for me. I have found strength in that- strength, that honestly, I did not know I had. I have the greatest support system around me and in my faith. I feel so free knowing that I have handled my trial "like a lady," that I have been the best person I know how to be- and that feels good. I know I have grown as a person- and that my character is much stronger....Now to just add that to my personal resume'.

Life is full of trials. From the day we are born til the day we die, one after another- this is what I have learned, stand tall, be BIG, let the ones who love you hold you, pray every second if you have to and follow your heart and it will set you free.

Trials....when all is said and done, when you KNOW you have done whats right, when the darkness is turning light...God, it feels- oh so good, to... just breathe.

I would like to leave with some GOOD words, you gotta love a good quote!

. "Today you are YOU, that's truer than true. There is no one alive who is you-er than you!"

. "Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple."-Dr. Seuss

. "I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind- some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I've bought a big bat, I'm ready you see; now my troubles are going to have troubles with me."

."Our history is what shapes us...guides us."

much Love,

~C~

dream.

i was a little girl

alone in my little world

who dreamed of a little home for me

i played pretend between the trees

and fed my house guest bark and leaves

and laughed in my pretty bed of green

i had a dream

i could fly from the highest swing

i had a dream

long walks in the dark

through woods grown behind the park

i asked God who i'm supposed to be

the stars smiled down at me

God answered in silent reverie

i said a prayer and fell asleep

i had a dream

that i could fly from the highest tree

i had a dream

now i'm old and feeling grey

i dont know whats left to say

about this life

i'm willing to leave

i lived it full

i lived it well

there's many tells i've lived to tell

i'm ready now, i'm ready now

to fly from the highest wing

i had a dream.

my valentines...my boys.

"We are all a little weird and lifes a little weird, and when we find someone who's weirdness is compatable with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love."

So what I'm weird- I love two people to the extreme, I wanna spend every waking moment with them, they are my "besties." They make me so happy that I form my little world around them...you are exactly right. I want to experience my WHOLE life with them. I know that there are things that might not involve them, but any chance I get I want them there- because they are the best part of who I am. To think that would mean that I dont know who I am- that I am insecure because my heart is soooo intuned, is in my humble opinion- ABSURD. Being so secure in being a wife and mom is my lifes goal- and I am there, now to just get better and better at it. I am so happy and blessed to be surrounded by such beautiful guys. They make my life so grand, they are the dearest things to my heart. I am so in love with them and fall more and more everyday, cliche' as it may sound it's so true.

Valentine's Day for me is to be spent with whomever your heart soooo desires and my hearts desire is my husband and my son. It's an excuse to give my husband loads of candies a sweet card and to lavish my kid with gifts decorated with red and love...just because! To do crafts with my kid to send to his pals and family. We are having a Valentine's Party with our family where we will make a "romantic" dinner at home, luscious desserts, exchange our gifts and pile on the couch and watch some good lovey movies...because- well, doesnt that sound fun?!?!

I hope that you have loads of fun with whoever you spend it with, however your heart so chooses and that your Valentine's Day is so full of love.

Happy Valentine's Day 2010 with lots of love attached!

~C~

a Reminder.

I recentley (like last night) got my third tattoo...I never saw myself as a tattoo type of girl, never thought they were wrong to have, but just didnt ever see myself with one, let alone more than one. In considering options for a tattoo I take great time to think and think and think about what I want to be a part of myself for the rest of forever, I pull from things that mean something to me. My first tattoo was for my kid- the one thing that would belong to me, be mine for forever and beyond- so I got his initials and the date in which he graced the world with his joy, my joy. My second was a heart, I often wear my heart on my sleeve- have always had an open heart. I love and believe in the saying, "follow your heart," thus the reason for my heart tattoo being located on my foot- "where it leads, I will follow."

My newest addition, is something that means a whole lot to me, it comes from a song- a song in which has been a constant reminder in my life. My life has been beyond blessed, how can I complain?!? I believe that life is the greatest gift, because in having life we have opportunities...we are born, we play, we turn sixteen, we make memories, we fall in love, we have our babies- really what an honor to be able to breathe...not just "breathe"- but to close our eyes and bask in moments. However, there are little pieces in between all the GREATNESS, that challenge us, that bring us to our knees, that leave us with tear stained pillows, of which I have had a few. Somehow, in some moment, I do believe that God gave me this song- and I have held on tightly because, lets just be honest- everyone needs to know this- we are small, we are so small compared to God and yet he sees us LARGER THAN LIFE. In my moments of dispair, he is right there with me, when I cant find the strength to go on- he gives me hope, the countless nights that I prayed, begged and pleaded that God would allow me to be a Mom, he was there- and he did JUST THAT, he made me a Mom. He is my constant friend, my hope, he is the keeper of my dreams, my moments, he is my strength and my portion.

Why should I feel discouraged?

Why should the shadows come?

Why should my heart be lonely

and long for Heaven and home.

When Jesus is my portion

My constant friends is He,

His eye is is on the sparrow

and I know He watches me.

I sing because I'm happy

I sing because I'm free

For his eye is on the sparrow

and I know He watches me.

Let not your heart be troubled,

His tender word I hear

and resting on his goodness,

I lose my doubts and fears;

Though by the path he leadeth

But one step I may see

His eye is on the sparrow

and I know He watches me.

Whenever I am tempted

Whenever clouds arise

When songs give place to sighing

When hope within me dies,

I draw the closer to Him

From care He sets me free;

His eye is on the sparrow

and I know He cares for me.

Therefore...I got a my third as a Sparrow- to be a constant reminder to me, of the words that you read above.

A Destination

I have a lot to say, I have always loved writing- so here it goes,
my first blog...
I wanted a place to share with family, friends, myself all that life has to offer me and in the process write a story. A place where I can go to look back and see how far I have come. There is nothing more fun than pulling out the boxes from our past and going thru the photos, letters, notes, journals- reliving the feelings we felt, the smells, the days of "once upon a time." Sometimes in life, there are things, little things, that get by us, the things we dont catch that play a big part in who we are becoming...I hope to be able to look back and see in writing the joys, trials and circumstances that helped to mold me.

So join me, follow me, lead me- on this destination called life.