faith: let me be more like you.

“Faith is a knowledge within the heart, beyond the reach of proof.”

So I say all the time that "I hope" that I am hopelessly hopeful, that I always have hope. Hope is fairly easy to keep, to have. Faith on the other hand, doesn't come as easy. The difference between the two is that one means you know its gonna come to pass and the other... have you ever heard the saying, "hoping for the best, but preparing for the worst?!?" That's kinda like a definition of hope- you only KINDA believe. When we hope it covers up the fact that we are preparing for the worst, expecting the worst to come from a certain situation.

I was talking the other day to my Dad and I said something about having hope- and he said, "have faith...Faith is knowing that it's gonna happen- hope, well, it's just hope." I really thought about it, about that statement. I spend a lot of time hoping for something, anything, a particular outcome and lose faith, the belief that it CAN actually happen. I have said it before that I am an optimistic pessimist, an oxymoron I know, but it's true it just how I am. I love life, everything about it. I enjoy everyday to the fullest, long to make the most out of every minute and not let petty things get in the way of what is simply wonderful- but...there are some things that I am just pessimistic about- things that I have a harder time actually believing in and those things are the things that "I hope." In all my thinking I have come to the decision that I am going to have faith and am going to replace all the "I hopes" with "I have faith." Having faith is more of a challenge for me- and it's not a secret that I love a challenge. However, this might prove to be harder to conquer than most because of that part of me that creates war, indifference. We are urged...instructed to have faith the size of a mustard seed, and then told that with that faith we can move mountains-just being honest, in my mind that seems impossible, have you seen the size of a mustard seed?!? In not having faith or in doubting faith, in my heart it feels as if I don't believe in the promises of God and- in terms we can all understand....that's just wrong. I believe, I do believe- but there are moments in time when I doubt and the clouds roll in making it harder to see the whole picture, that which has been promised-that which I know true. I remember the absolute pureness of being a child and now that I have one I am reminded of the faith that we have as a child, the belief in the impossible- that which the world has deemed. No one and nothing can make us loose sight, we are steady and strong in the facts of what we believe. Not because we have hard evidence or proof that it is true or can be done. Plain and simple...we believe in the impossible, the unknown, the things that can't be felt or seen. We have faith, because we believe in ourselves. There are amazing people who have that faith- the knowing and I so long to have that within me, to be that type of person. But it's hard, it's hard for me to really really believe, yet, in that same thought I have faith that I can be different and that the faith that I have in somethings will grow and cover all things. There is that characteristic inside of me and some might call it stubborn-ness, the want to prove all others wrong and at one time I would have answered them with nothing more that I just have hope...now I say I have Faith, in that statement I stand firm, I believe. I still hope, but now I hope with faith- knowing that...that which I hoped for WILL come to pass.