she weeps-a-lot.

No one ever told me that when I became a momma...in that very moment that little being enters the world, I would instantly become a severe sap. Something as simple as a better life commercial, a hallmark commercial- even a JIF commercial (you know the one, where the little boy makes a special sandwich for his momma- gah!) suddenly brings tears to my eyes. No one ever told me how much my heart would grow and expand. How much more love it would be able to contain, how much more I would feel- in the second that I would meet my little creation. I often find myself thinking about things that will inevitably do this to me. The thoughts that step right thru the gates of my heart, stab me in the stomach, leave me gasping for a breath and yes, weeping. I really don't like torture, but so it would seem.

Recently, while watching Toy Story 3 (yes, Toy Story 3) this very thing happened to me. If you have seen it you know why, maybe. While watching, I see this picture of Andy (that was taken in the first Toy Story by his momma)- the one where he is sitting in the floor playing- toys scattered all around, imagination running wild and something is SO familiar to me, I see this amazing resemblance to a picture that I have of Logan, nearly an exact replica. I find myself slowly fading out as everything seemingly grows more silent. Immediately, I flash forward to few years later- lets just say fifteen and a half years or so- exactly. There I am- the momma to that precious baby boy who is leaving, heading out in the world to do something great, something so important, something that I know my brain cannot even comprehend. It was then that I found myself with a sudden enormous lump in my throat, an intense nausea that had weaseled it's way in and yes- you guessed it, the water works formed- everything that I saw was water covered and boy I fought hard not to blink, knowing that the tears would fall. It's NO secret I am a weepy weepster, ESPECIALLY when it comes to my kid. But hang on y'all there's a certain hope and turn of events about to happen...Alas, it was then that I saw myself board that plane, train or automobile with him- heading out into the wild blue yonder, what an adventure we would have! We would conquer the world together, hand in hand. I was there, like I have always promised I would be! Hey I KNOW what you must be thinking BUT, a boy needs his mom, RIGHT?!?...well, a girl can dream- and that I did!

With every milestone, with every first- I find myself all sappy. (Recent, true story. A few weeks back we got rid of the "night night pacy." When he turned two we decided to start weaning him off, therefore, only letting him have it for sleeping. So every night he had the same routine- put his pajamas on, brush the teeth and then he would run excitedly to the drawer to get his pacy then run and jump in bed. The night of February 14th those sweet things weren't to be found in the drawer-we, of course, explained to him why- something that went kinda like they are for babies and he was a big boy now (uh uh, no way!). In that moment this look of immense sadness came over his face as if he had just lossed his first love, suddenly he was lost...a wanderer. I lost it y'all. As hard as I tried I just couldn't contain myself and so I squalled, the hubby teared up I assume due to the dramatic show I was putting on and the kid just looked like, "everything is gonna be ok, momma. I'm GOOD!" And he has been, he hasn't asked for it not ONE time.) Sometimes in those everyday moments when something simple yet beautiful happens: playing, imagining, discovering, out of the blue/random "i love you's" or "momma, you're the best," snuggled up together watching his favorites on t.v., when he learns something new, conquers a challenge, our little conversations, watching him smile while he sleeps (etc.)- that ole’ familiar feeling surfaces and a little tear forms that quickly streams down my cheek.

My heart is full of overflowing joy. What an amazing-incredible-out-of-this-world blessing it is to know and be a part of his life- to watch him grow from a little boy into the magnificent man that I know he will be. He is chocked FULL of greatness and I know that the world will be made different just because of his smile...I know mine has.